This fun but sad story of a solo lone wolf at top lane is narrated by Blitzbey.
Super fun amazing things you can enjoy as a top laner
- You are that one uncool kid at school. Nobody likes you or your lane because everyone knows all the cool parties happen in the bot lane. Even the enemy jungler doesn’t like you. Your only friends are the minions and the enemy top laner. Enjoy your life in solitude.
- When you have accepted your sad fate as a solo lone wolf but a kind and selfless teammate (usually the marksman) decides to tag along because he doesn’t want you to be lonely and all by yourself. Bonus points if a said teammate is overly-friendly and immediately goes up to high-five the enemy.
- When two tanks are picked and both of you decide to go to the top lane. More tanks the better right? Nobody likes the marksman anyway. He’s weird. He can stay in the bot lane alone.
- When you somehow end up laning with an enemy mage/marksman because they are suffering from mid-life crisis and demanded a career change to the top lane. Enjoy practicing social distancing and being quarantined to the turret tower while all your teammates ignore you.
- When you bravely initiate a fight against the enemy, only to have your teammates retreat and run away. Don’t be offended. Remember your place as the uncool kid. Nobody likes you.
- When your marksman/mage runs on ahead of you into the fight because they are an eager beaver and want to make a first good impression with the enemy. First impressions are essential to forging strong relationships in the future.
- When you forget to equip Teleport and you’re forced to walk all the way down to join the party at the bot lane. Look on the bright side, arriving late to a party is fashionable anyway. Hey, maybe this can even earn you some cool points with your teammates.
Bonus:
- Being Hulk. Absolutely nobody likes you because you take bash-the-pinata a bit too seriously. Try to tone down a bit yeah?
- Being Thanos. Your strange obsession with collecting shiny colourful objects makes everyone distance themselves from you. It’s okay, you can create clones of yourself and pretend you have many friends.
TLDR: Take good care of your top laners. They are sad and lonely and need more friends.
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